How do you make tensions a topic of discussion in your team?

Een teamgesprek waarin spanningen bespreekbaar worden gemaakt – een belangrijke stap richting vertrouwen en samenwerking.

Tensions arise in almost every team. Differing personalities, interests, and expectations will eventually lead to friction. This is normal – but it only becomes a problem when these tensions aren't discussed openly.

You might recognize this:

• Conversations That Are Avoided

• Tensions that continue to simmer

• Decisions that delay

• Confidence under pressure

It costs energy, makes collaboration difficult and can even lead to failure or departure.

Why tensions often remain

Many teams find it difficult to openly discuss problems. Sometimes out of fear of conflict, sometimes out of uncertainty, or simply because they don't know how. The result: tensions build and become part of the undercurrent.

Harvard research emphasizes that conflict itself doesn't have to be harmful. When managers address problems quickly and directly, they build a positive work culture where employees feel valued. This can lead to improved productivity, increased innovation, and even makes it easier to attract new talent. Source: Harvard – Preventing and Managing Team Conflict

ArboNed shows that if tension and stress are not addressed, it has serious consequences. Structural work stress can lead to physical and mental complaints, resulting in long-term absenteeism. One day of absence costs an employer an average of €340, and an employee with burnout is absent for an average of ten months. Moreover, the absence of a colleague puts extra pressure on the team. Source: ArboNed – Addressing work stress for a future-proof team

The difference if you do bring it up for discussion

Imagine the opposite: conversations that provide fresh air, decisions made more quickly, and collaboration that feels light and constructive again. This not only saves energy and frustration but also delivers business benefits: faster processes, fewer errors, and more enjoyment in collaboration.

Research highlights that this becomes easier when expectations are clear, there is open and transparent communication, and a safe environment exists where employees can share their concerns without fear of repercussions.

Five steps to discuss tensions

1. Name the elephant in the room

   Tensions don't disappear on their own. It starts with someone daring to say it:

"I notice this topic is causing tension. Shall we discuss this together?"

2. Tough on the content, soft on the relationship

   Be clear about the facts and agreements, but respectful of the individual. This keeps the dialogue constructive.

   
   

3. Use the feedback formula

   • Behavior: What did the other person do?

   • Effect: What effect did that have?

   • Need: What do you need?

     
     

4. Make the undercurrent visible

   Often, it's not about the content, but about what's going on underneath: unspoken expectations, long-standing mistrust, or clashing communication styles. By discussing these issues, you create space and rebuild trust.

   
   

5. Record and evaluate agreements

   Write down agreements briefly and schedule a review. This way, you ensure old patterns don't recur.

What if it doesn't work?

Sometimes a team can't do this on their own. The tension is too great, or emotions run high. In those cases, a neutral third party can help ensure a safe and constructive conversation.

Research shows that constructively dealing with tensions is the key to making them productive. ArboNed, on the other hand, emphasizes that failing to intervene often leads to long-term absenteeism, high costs, and further disruption of collaboration. The lesson is clear: waiting is not an option.

A striking real-world experience: teams on the verge of disintegration can, with the right guidance, make a complete turnaround in a short time. Sometimes just three sessions are enough to establish new agreements, restore calm, and make collaboration feel enjoyable again.

Conclusion

Tensions in teams are inevitable. The question isn't whether they arise, but how you handle them. By addressing the elephant in the room, giving respectful feedback, making the underlying issues visible, and ensuring agreements are in place, tension can transform into collaboration.

Research shows that constructively dealing with tensions can contribute to a more positive work culture and even lead to increased productivity and innovation. At the same time, ArboNed highlights the downside: failing to intervene often leads to stress, long-term absenteeism, and high costs.

Want to discuss tensions within your team and improve collaboration? Schedule a free consultation about Synergizing, (Team) Coaching, or Mediation.

🔗 External resources in this blog:

• Harvard – Preventing and Managing Team Conflict

• ArboNed – Tackling work stress for a future-proof team